Wondering how to raise an optimistic child? After all, kids who see the glass as half full are better at dealing with life’s challenges—and happier too. Here's six tips to help yours develop a sunny outlook on life.

There are many reasons to encourage optimism in our children, including long-lasting positive affects on their mental and physical well-being. (Did you know optimists are much more likely to live past 100?) But how do you go about raising an optimist? Put these six tips into practice, for starters, and watch the positive benefits extend to the rest of your household.

Melissa Baldauf often catches herself worrying out loud as she drives her sons, ages 2 and 4, through the Seattle rain to child care. “We’re never going to get there,” she might say, or “We’re always running late.” Focusing on negative thoughts and frustrations, though, is classic pessimism. The more you moan about money problems or a tough day at work, the more likely it is that your kids will learn to do the same thing. Instead, try talking about things that go right (“I killed a big project at work today,” or “I had the nicest encounter at the post office today”). During dinner Jenn McCreary, a Philadelphia mom, plays “roses and thorns” with her 9-year-old twins. Each family member reveals the best and worst thing that happened to them that day. Rather than grumbling about the thorns, the goal is to focus on the positive. The bonus round is McCreary’s favorite part: “We all share one hope for tomorrow,” she says.

Even before her sons started kindergarten, Priscilla Baker began posting a to-do list above the light switch in their rooms reminding them to make their bed, get dressed, brush their teeth, and tidy up their room. “They weren’t allowed to come down for breakfast until they’d finished all their jobs,” says the Blacksburg, Virginia, mom. While she initially came up with the idea to reduce her own workload, Baker quickly realized that her boys were also benefiting from the routine. “They’d come downstairs all excited and say, ‘Mommy, I made my bed really well. Come check.’ They felt so proud,” she says.

Kids won’t develop an optimistic, “can-do” attitude unless they have the opportunity to prove their worth. “Entrusting children to complete tasks makes them feel capable,” notes Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., a child psychologist and the author of Freeing Your Child From Negative Thinking. Chores need to be age appropriate, since the point is for kids to succeed. A 2-year-old can pick up her toys, a 3-year-old can put dirty clothes in the hamper, a 4-year-old can carry plates to the sink, a 5-year-old can empty wastebaskets, and a 6-year-old can sort laundry.

We all struggle with how much to try to protect our kids from getting (or feeling) hurt. It’s embarrassing to fall off the monkey bars in front of your friends or join an ice-hockey league when you don’t know how to skate, so it’s natural to want to shield your child from these types of situations. But discouraging him from doing an activity because he might not be as skilled as other kids undermines his confidence—and encourages pessimism to seep in.

You’ve simply got to start letting go of the reins, emphasizes Parents advisor Michael Thompson, Ph.D., author of Homesick and Happy: How Time Away From Parents Can Help a Child Grow. Allow your kindergartner to play alone in the backyard or go on a school field trip without you as a chaperone. Over time, build up to bigger risks, like climbing the rock wall at a fair or going to sleepaway camp. “You don’t want your child to be afraid to try new things,” says Dr. Thompson. “You want him to come home and say, ‘Mom, I did it!’ ”

When Dr. Reivich heard that another second-grader had been calling her daughter fat, her first instinct was to phone the girl’s parents—but she stopped herself. “I wanted to teach Shayna to be her own advocate,” she says, so they plotted out what Shayna could say the next time it happened. When it did, Shayna delivered her prepared script: “Number one, I am not fat. Number two, that’s not a nice thing to say to a friend.” The other girl apologized, and Shayna came home feeling empowered. Curbing your “mama bear” instincts can take enormous selfcontrol. When your child is trying to sound out a new word or taking a long time to fit a piece into a puzzle, it’s easy to quickly intervene. “But letting your child try to solve things without your help will boost her sense of accomplishment and also make her more optimistic about what she can do in the future,” says Dr. Reivich.

When my own first-grader, Blair, toils over a worksheet, she often exclaims in exasperation, “I’m bad at math!” Unfortunately, a single setback may be enough for kids to concoct a permanent sense of their shortcomings: “I’m not smart.” “I stink at soccer.” “I can’t draw.”

To prevent those types of conclusions, try to change your child’s perspective, says psychologist Andrew Shatté, Ph.D., who creates training programs to help kids power through challenges. To reframe his thoughts more positively, you might say, “New sports are hard to learn at first,” or “I know you can’t tell time yet, but you will.” And let him know he’s not the only one (“Lots of kids in your class are feeling as frustrated as you are,” or “I had a tough time when I started learning subtraction too”). Help him stay hopeful by mentioning another skill he worked to master: “Remember when you couldn’t read and how much effort that took? You’ll get this too.”

When Tracy Reinert’s family moved to Florida, her 6-year-old son, Matt, had trouble fitting in at first. “I don’t have any friends,” he moaned to his mom. To cheer him up, she was tempted to tell him, “You have lots of friends back in New Jersey, and when the kids here find out what an awesome guy you are, they’re going to beg to be your friend.” But she bit her tongue because she didn’t want to give him false hope. Smart move. “Kids can see right through that kind of self-esteem boost,” says Dr. Shatté. Ironically, reassuring your child that everything’s going to turn out great often has the exact opposite effect. “Optimism actually requires thinking realistically more than positively,” adds Dr. Chansky. “That way your child is prepared for whatever he faces.”

After all, if the Florida kids didn’t start hanging out with Matt, he might conclude that he wasn’t truly such an awesome guy. Instead, Reinert sat him down for a heart-to-heart chat. “It’s challenging to move to a new place and start over,” she explained. “Making friends takes time.” After that, Matt stopped complaining and took active steps to solve the problem. He asked his mom to take him to the closest playground after school and to let him ride his bike around the neighborhood to meet kids who lived nearby. Within a few weeks, he had some new buds. “He suddenly realized that things were going to work out,” Reinert says, “and he ended up teaching me a thing or two about being optimistic.”

想知道如何培养一个乐观的孩子?毕竟，把杯子看成半满的孩子更善于应对生活的挑战，也更快乐。这里有六条建议，可以帮助你的孩子发展出一个阳光灿烂的生活。

我们有很多理由鼓励我们的孩子保持乐观，包括长期的积极影响他们的精神和身体健康。(你知道吗，乐观主义者更可能活过100岁?)但是，你如何去培养一个乐观主义者呢?首先，把这6个建议付诸实践，并注意你的家庭的积极益处。

梅丽莎巴尔道夫经常在开车送儿子2岁到4岁时，在西雅图的雨中照顾孩子的时候，经常让自己焦虑不安。她可能会说:“我们永远不会到达那里。”或者“我们总是迟到。”然而，把注意力集中在消极的想法和挫折上是典型的悲观主义。你越是抱怨钱的问题或工作的艰难，你的孩子就越有可能学着做同样的事情。相反，你可以试着谈论一些正确的事情(“我今天在工作中完成了一个大项目，”或者“我今天在邮局遇到了最好的遭遇”)。在晚餐的时候，费城的妈妈珍·麦克里瑞和她9岁的双胞胎玩“玫瑰和荆棘”。每一个家庭成员都揭示了那天发生在他们身上的最好和最坏的事情。我们的目标不是抱怨荆棘，而是关注积极的一面。奖金是McCreary最喜欢的部分，她说:“我们大家都有一个明天的希望。”

甚至在她的儿子们上幼儿园之前，Priscilla Baker就开始在房间里的电灯开关上张贴一张待办事项清单，提醒他们要整理床铺、穿衣、刷牙、收拾房间。“直到他们完成了所有的工作，他们才被允许下来吃早饭，”弗吉尼亚州的布莱克斯堡说。当她最初提出要减少自己工作量的想法时，贝克很快意识到她的孩子们也从日常生活中受益。他们下楼时都很兴奋地说:“妈妈，我把床做得很好。”来检查。“他们感到非常自豪，”她说。

除非有机会证明自己的价值，否则孩子们不会发展出一种乐观进取的态度。“把孩子托付给他们完成任务让他们觉得自己有能力，”儿童心理学家塔玛·钱斯基博士(Tamar Chansky)说，他是《让你的孩子远离消极思考》一书的作者。家务事需要适当的年龄，因为关键是孩子要成功。一个两岁的孩子可以捡起她的玩具，一个三岁的孩子可以把脏衣服放进篮子里，一个4岁的孩子可以把盘子搬到水槽里，一个5岁的孩子可以把垃圾扔到垃圾桶里，一个6岁的孩子可以把衣服分类。

我们都在努力保护我们的孩子免受伤害。当你不知道如何滑冰的时候，从你的朋友面前摔下来，或者参加冰球联盟是很尴尬的，所以你很自然的想要保护你的孩子不受这种情况的伤害。但劝阻他做一项活动，因为他可能不像其他孩子那样有技能，这会破坏他的信心，并助长悲观情绪的渗入。

你得开始放手了，父母顾问迈克尔·汤普森(Michael Thompson)强调说，他是《思乡病》(Homesick and Happy)一书的作者，他说，离开父母的时间可以帮助孩子成长。让你的孩子独自在后院玩耍，或者在没有你的陪同下去学校郊游。随着时间的推移，积累更大的风险，比如在集市上攀爬岩壁或者去露宿营地。汤普森博士说:“你不希望你的孩子害怕尝试新事物。”“你想让他回家说，‘妈妈，我做到了!’”

当雷维奇医生听说另一个二年级的孩子给她的女儿胖打电话时，她的第一反应是给那女孩的父母打电话，但她自己阻止了自己。"我想教莎娜做她自己的律师，"她说，所以他们策划了谢娜下一次发生的事情。当它这么做的时候，Shayna拿出了她准备好的剧本:“第一，我不胖。”第二，对朋友说这不是一件好事。另一个女孩道了歉，莎娜回到家，感觉很有力量。抑制你的“熊妈妈”本能会产生巨大的自我控制。当你的孩子试图发出一个新单词或花很长时间来把一个拼图拼成一个拼图时，很容易迅速地进行干预。“但是让你的孩子在没有你帮助的情况下尝试解决问题会提高她的成就感，也会让她对未来的工作更加乐观。”Reivich博士说。

当我自己的一年级学生布莱尔在工作表上工作时，她常常恼怒地说:“我数学不好!”不幸的是，一次挫折就足以让孩子们对自己的缺点有一种永久性的认识:“我不聪明。”“我在踢足球。””“我不能画。”

心理学家Andrew Shatte博士说，为了避免这些类型的结论，试着改变你孩子的观点，他创建了训练计划，帮助孩子们克服挑战。为了更积极地重塑他的想法，你可能会说:“刚开始新运动很难学，”或者“我知道你还不能告诉时间，但你会的。”让他知道，他不是唯一一个(“你班上的很多孩子都觉得你很沮丧，”或者“我开始学习减法的时候也很艰难”)。通过提到他曾努力掌握的另一项技能，帮助他保持希望:“记住，当你无法阅读时，你付出了多少努力?”你也会得到。”

当特雷西·雷纳特的家人搬到佛罗里达州时，她6岁的儿子马特一开始很难适应。“我没有朋友，”他呻吟着对妈妈说。为了让他高兴起来，她忍不住要告诉他:“你在新泽西有很多朋友，当孩子们发现你是一个多么了不起的人的时候，他们就会请求成为你的朋友。”但是她咬了她的舌头，因为她不想给他虚假的希望。聪明的举动。Shatte博士说:“孩子们可以通过这种自尊的提升来看待问题。”具有讽刺意味的是，让你的孩子相信一切都会变好，往往适得其反。“乐观主义实际上需要更实际地思考，而不是积极地思考，”Chansky博士补充说。“这样你的孩子就会为他所面对的一切做好准备。”

毕竟，如果佛罗里达的孩子们没有和麦特一起出去玩，他可能会认为他不是一个真正了不起的人。相反，Reinert让他坐下来进行一次坦诚的交谈。“搬到一个新的地方重新开始是很有挑战性的，”她解释道。“交朋友是需要时间的。在那之后，马特停止了抱怨，采取了积极的措施来解决这个问题。他让他的妈妈带他放学后带他到最近的游乐场，让他骑着自行车在附近转悠，去见见附近的孩子。几周之内，他就有了一些新芽。“他突然意识到事情会解决的，”Reinert说，“结果他教了我一两件关于乐观的事情。”